Thursday, September 15, 2011

Chapters from an Untold Story...


Because I do...

It was after a long week, I was back at the place where normally my evenings would transform into the early night...Arched buildings, the foot bridge, leafless trees, cruise boats, evening birds and clouds in the sky; everything looked the same, although, the incessant rain and thunder storms that had kept me away did seem to have added a little bit more golden rust to the handles of the ever so enduring wrought iron bench, adding to its charm and character; the very bench that we used to sit on for hours watching the calm waters of Seine.

The only thing that seemed removed from the other evenings and rather reduced the charm of this otherwise beautiful evening was her absence...She was still angry despite all my attempts to woo her back...Infact the last that I heard from her was almost two days ago; two days, that felt like two eons...Despite being a charmer I had not been able to give a convincing answer to her rather simple question... and the mumbled response had only added to her doubts.

I had been asked this question in my past and it had never proved to be too tough for me....“Wordsmith” of the Spoken word that I was, I had always used it as an opportunity to appeal to the vanity of my lady hence swooping her of the feet, but, this time my words had failed me...

It was a particularly beautiful evening, with orange skies from the setting sun that are rather rare in the ever cloudy autumn. We were perched on this very bench with her pretty face resting on my shoulders...and I, as always, lost in her beautiful mysterious eyes that are a mirror to her soul. They express more than the most adept tongue and I am always intrigued by their depth which I find deeper than the mighty waters of the river on whose shore we were nestled. The river that since eternity has breathed life and love into this magnificent city living on its shores

We were particularly silent that evening, just soaking in the beauty of the nature...In an instinct she clutched on to my hands, smiled the enchanting smile and asked the question...

"Why do you love me?"

Considering it just a tease I smiled and gave a peck on her forehead in response...which didn’t seem to convince her as she repeated the question...albeit firmly now...The smile in her eyes had been replaced by vulnerability and some kind of strange fear that I couldn’t understand properly... the transformation was way too quick for my comprehension...”Because...I” is all that I could muster, before she stood up and started to leave...

“Think about it and we will meet once you know” she said, turning back for the last time before walking away into the setting sun.

And that is what I had been doing for a week ...”Thinking”...

For the first couple of days, my mind had turned blank as I was still pinching myself to check whether it was a bad dream...however sadly it was not and her separation was making me realize the reason for her question and the expression in her eyes...Love is a dichotomous emotion that can make a person feel secure as well as insecure at the same time and she must have felt the same insecurity that I was experiencing now.

I had still not given her a convincing answer but the hopeless hope of love had made me come back to our favourite spot the moment the thunder storms relented hoping to find her waiting for me on this very bench. But I found the bench still cold and wet from the rain...

However there was something inexplicable about this evening...I was feeling less insecure, my mind was calmer and something was telling me that the worse is over and she is going to return and take back her rightful place in my life. I sat there, listening to the soft murmur of the flowing water and the silence of the calm twilight...The light was fading and very soon the night sky had engulfed the city...

Suddenly, I realized that the darkness of the night was showing me something that the light never could. Light by nature is discriminating, hence differentiates. When it was bright I could see the buildings, the trees, the river and everything around me as different entities with each having a unique identity and character, however in darkness the boundaries had become blurred and everything including me had become one big shadow...We had all lost our individual identity and had merged into a larger conscience...

Everything was in perfect harmony...I felt one with the Bench, the trees and the Water in the river..., Infact I was the water flowing in the river, the heart beating in that tree, the golden rust of the bench and all of these were as much a part of my soul...We were all made of the same elements and were merely different manifestations of one unified consciousness. My entire being was filled with peace and Solitude...The darkness had rid my soul of all strife and Insecurity... I was feeling very secure as I realized that I can’t lose her...How can I lose something that is a part of me...and I was beginning to realize the true nature of love which was revealing itself in its truest and purest form.

I started to feel enormous love within and around me. I felt the love of the river for me and for all the beings that it had been breathing life into and I realized that it loved all of us because it just did...It was the nature of the river to love.

I felt the enormous love that the trees have in their bosom for me, for all the travellers who sit in their shade, for all the hungry souls that feed on their fruit, for all the little children who play under them and for all the people who cut their branches to light a fire to keep warm in cold nights...And they loved because they just did...It was their nature...

I felt the selfless love of the bench...It waited each day for me to return so that it could hold me in its lap and shower its love on me...

It is Love that binds all of us in one large conscience...and it is a feeling, an emotion, that just is...It is not something to be understood, as to understand is to question and to question is to not have faith...And Love can’t exist without faith. Love does not exist in the realm of reasoning, it emanates only in the state of super consciousness, where there is no question or causation...Just pure truth and acceptance...

The evening had been extremely generous to me as it had revealed to me the answer that I had been seeking... I was really happy and felt the desire to rush back to her to tell her all about my experience...I started walking briskly on the cobbled road that lead to the place in the city where she lived...The protruding stones of the cobbled street that I would always complain about were no longer hurting my feet as I was light as a feather and they were also a part of my consciousness.

I was visualizing the meeting with her; how I will take her into my arms and tell her all that is to be told...I was seeing the expression in her eyes and suddenly my feet started to slow down as I realized that I still don’t have an answer to her question...I realized that I can never have an answer to her question...Infact there can never be an answer to this question...and she will have to realize that on her own as each one of us needs to go through our own journey to experience what can’t be understood.

I stopped over at our favourite cafe and sipping on our favourite coffee I sent her the only answer that I knew and it read “Because I do...”

5 comments:

  1. Beautiful Writing....

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  2. Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own ;)

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  3. words can capture the emotions... beautifully...

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  4. Really - An inqusitive mind that wants to understand a BIT about Human Feelings....Cheers, Wonderful Writing !!

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  5. Good one...beautifully written!!this will surely help many who always struggle to find the right answer;)

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